Circus Girl

ok so we had court today and the outcome really surprised us. Nate spoke to his lawyer just before we went in and upon discussing the issue with the judge and DA, the lawyer was able to get the sentence greatly reduced. the bargain was 30-90 days possible incarceration and possible probation as well if Nate pleaded guilty today. we both agreed that this is the best offer he will receive and it sounds a whole lot better than 9 months. at worst he will do 89 days. but there is a possibility that he may only receive a 30 day sentence which would actually result in about 20 days total. also Nate has a meeting coming up (the date is TBA) with the probation department in which he is allowed to basically tell his side of the story, really lay it on thick about the pregnancy and being basically the main source of income for the household. after which the sentence may be dropped to probation all together. now that outcome is a long shot but still a possibility and we are not giving up hope. so it isn't wonderful but it is an improvement. the really scary part is sentencing is scheduled for January 6th and he may go in right away, they may post pone it and we really wont know for sure until that moment. therefor the chance of Nate missing out on the birth is what we are now facing. its very depressing and quite terrifying for me actually. for one i could not imagine going through labor with out him there and how can anyone really fathom missing your first born coming into the world? so it saddens me greatly to think about but i try to keep on the positive side and consider the fact that he could have been put away for 9 months of his child's life rather than a maximum of 3. so right now it is all a nerve wrecking waiting game that we are trying not to concentrate on too much because it is too stressful for both of us at the moment. its best that we just enjoy the time we have now and take each day for what it is worth. i wrote a letter to the judge today when i came home and Nate's employer mike is going to do the same. the lawyer said that the character witness letters have really made a difference in the case. the judge is just now getting to read them because our previous lawyer, Simon Moody, never even presented them at all. he really just took Nate for his money and ran.

Do you think society puts too much pressure on people to be in relationships and/or have children? Do you think this ostracizes people who would be perfectly content to remain single and/or child-free? Is this pressure worse around the holidays?
i most def think the media emphasizes "family" and being in love. all the commercials are based around ppl spending time with their loved ones, mostly significant others and children. tv sitcoms are predominately family based. usually an attractive woman, an overweight, borderline slob of a man and about 2.5 chillens. oh not to mention the annoying mom-in-law and the quirky sister/brother relationship thrown in there as well. such a stereotype. and then all the jewelery commercials portraying engagements and anniversaries. as far as society, well a lot of society is based on media, or visa versa. and sadly people watch so much tv these days its hard for them not to try and find common ground with their favorite characters who more than likely have a sexy spouse and loving children. i think people find those that are actually content with their single lives to be out of their realm and odd in the sense that its hard for someone in a relationship to fathom being alone for a lifetime. and the holidays are def a time that emphasizes togetherness and love therefore making it difficult to avoid the pressures of it all.

well i accomplished quite a bit today. i even found time to write to aunt sr. myra and great uncle pat. now im listening to frank sinatra and relaxing. all i need is a glass of wine. oh that would be wonderful.

on a Kate Nash kick

well i cleaned the house, did laundry, got groceries...now i have to do the dishes and then fold the laundry. by then i will have to make dinner. how am i gonna keep up with everything when i have a baby?? especially since i do everything on foot...

i wanna cry...yesterday i didnt have any stretch marks...and today i have like ten under my belly:( i dont get it. i drink tons of water and moisturize twice everyday. morning and night. and if i take a shower mid-day i do it then too. its depressing. i know its just like a pregnancy badge and i should take it with stride but it just plain sucks. and i literally mean they popped up over night. last night i had these stretching feelings in my lower abdomen and i looked it up to find its called stretching ligaments. well this morning i woke up with these damn things in that very spot. stretching ligaments happens inside not out...in the words of my mom..."bugger!" well i must have put on lotion 4 times already today lol. hopefully they will fade...quickly. anyway...i made a huge breakfast this morning...maybe subconsciously as comfort food lol. i made blueberry pancakes, the fluffiest scrambled eggs ever, vegetarian sausage and pumpernickel toast. it was delicious! other than that i just loafed around watching movies and playing on the net. im gonna do some more loafing, drink a billion glasses of water and slather on two pounds of stretch mark cream.

went to the craft fair at the college yesterday with dee and jeanie. had an awesome time despite the crazy crowd. found a ton of cool shit and got some more christmas shopping done! yay!! then went to marshalls and got new boots bc i really needed some. went to mom's to see claudia and everybody. ate some lunch, made some christmas cards w claud, and showed them how to make those bows ive been crazy about. it took forever to teach them lol. they just couldnt grasp the concept at first. im like "c'mon guys, i learned how to do this just from pics on the internet." eventually...after hours lol...they got it. so then i came home and nate and i had saturday sushi night. then cliff came over and we all headed upstairs for some jam session thing. omg i was so bored and freezing that i just crept back down here to escape. cliff followed and we watched like six episodes of lost season 5. so addicting. went to bed around...ohh...4 maybe. woke up, borrowed johnson's truck and brought cliff and his leftover stuff to moms. then we proceeded to wegmans where we bought more sushi fixins bc we had a breakfast craving lol. made sushi, cleaned up, puttered around. then i got real sleepy and snuggled up in bed with penny and peabo. nate came in shortly and we cuddled up for a relaxing afternoon nappy time. woke up made a homemade pizzle and devoured it. we put veggie pepperoni, mtb, tons of cheese...omg it was sooo delish!! now im noshing on grapes catching up online...duh. oh and i just have to say: i have been hating the writer's block questions lately. they are all about the fucking internet. lame.

well today was quite productive. went shopping w dominika and i bought some stuff with a walmart gift card ive had for months and forgot about. it wasnt much but im doing a little at a time. pretty much got cliff's gift done except i wanna get him some wife beaters and boxers cuz i know he needs them. was gonna buy the tyson dvd but i think ill wait till his birthday. cant wait for his axe gift pack to come in the mail next week! he is gonna flip over his gift basket! plus i got beef jerky, nuts, summer sausage and chocolate for cliff, al, and matt. bought dee a box of chocolate and some herbal teas. i still have to buy a few more baskets. one for mom, claudia and dee. have to buy 3 bottles of wine, sample liquor bottles, blunt wraps and a dime(for dommie d), a playboy mag, make a charm necklace, get a zippo flint and fluid, a gas card, car wash coupons, hair care product...and i dont even know what to get for claudia or mom yet...anyway so i came home and organized my baskets so far ate some late lunch, walked to the library, stopped at the shop, got a money order, walked penny. now im wasting time on the internet bc i already did dishes and cleaned the house this morning. nate wont be home until like 9:30 bc he's doing a huge tattoo right now. so im reeeeaaallly bored. oh shit nate just called and he finished up. yaaay!!

things are looking up...knock on wood

boy oh boy...im sleepy. watched a movie with nate and josh and made a ton of homemade gift bows out recycled magazines. soo many bows i should give half to my mom bc i dont even have that many gifts lol. but i wanna teach claudia how to make them just because its so fun/easy/addicting. i literally was making them without even paying attention to my actions. my hands just took over. dominika wants to go shopping tomorrow and i would love to go but alas i had to spend all and i mean ALL my money on rent today. and window shopping is just plain boring to me. hung out with mandy today...boooring...havent hung out/talked to her in like a month. all she talked about was some dude she is messing with. and she gets into all these details...repeats herself over and over. i get so annoyed! any time i try to talk she just interrupts me. i cant take it!! and she is so poky in everything that she does. it makes me so frustrated when im in a hurry and that means nothing to her. and tomorrow is her birthday...she wants me to hangout...uuuugh....i just cant bring myself to put up with it. oh man im annoyed just thinking about it. i need to go to bed lol.

im so fucking tired and i need a nap but i have so much to do...like get dressed....

today has been pretty awesome so far. we had to go to court early this morning only to find it had been adjourned to next week. which sucks bc it keeps us wondering/worrying. sent me into an almost panic attack last night just thinking about it all. But...it led to a good follow up. we went to the cafe downtown and grabbed coffee (chai for me) and read our books together on the warm comfy couch they had there. then we came home and hoed out cliff's old room. it is now spick and span. we had to take everything out of it and after cliff left we have been using it for storage/kitty cat room. mattresses, odd furniture, boxes of cliff's stuff, barbells, carpets, tons and tons of clothes, and just a bunch of random stuff. so we got rid of all the shit we dont need. packed all cliff's stuff, washed everything down, swept, mopped, put down an area rug, put up new curtains...it looks absolutely beautiful in there now. and it no longer smells like a gerbil cage like it did when cliff lived in there. i cant wait to paint it now!!! im so excited. so then we went to wegmans and got pretty crazy choosing our lunch menu. we ended up making veggie sushi which was awesome. my first sushi experience! nate made it beautifully. he actually used to be a sushi chef out in albany. then we made a gorgeous green leafy salad with avocado, radish, carrot, cuke, asparagus, marinated mozz, almonds, tomato, croutons and a delicious lemon vinaigrette dressing. we also had homemade vegetarian french onion soup and an awesome bread we found at the bakery. it was an amazing lunch! now we are both lethargic and ready for naps but we have all this random stuff in the dining room to take care of. soo sleepy lol!!

wtf??? i keep posting images and either they dont show up *cough* crappy facebook *cough* or they later disappear *cough* crappy livejournal *cough*

Do you think romantic chemistry is instant or evolving? Have you ever given someone a second (or third) chance and lived to regret it? Have you ever fallen in love with someone you didn't particularly like or desire at first?

i think romantic chemistry is an instant spark that hits you when you first find interest in the person you are pursuing.
i did give chano about 3 chances and havent so much regretted them as learned a valuable lesson from the entire situation.
i fell in love with nate almost instantly after getting to know him but the funny thing is i met him at an abm show that took place at the roadhaus about a year before we dated. upon first meeting i was definitely attracted to him in a strong way. he was taller than anyone else at the show, he had a studded leather jacket that was obviously homemade, he had an overall sexiness to his entire being. BUT...he was such a dick lol. i was working the door as usual and he was paying for chuck and himself. the door price was 6 bucks and he handed me a 20. now i was unclear as to his intentions on paying for chuck as well so as i was about to question him he blurted out like an asshole "its eight dollars back!" as if i was some idiot who couldnt figure out the change. i was so offended! but then later on we spoke at a party and hit it off quite nicely. and then obviously a year later we met up for our first date. we still laugh about this story.

i have a lot of crap to do today. a sink FULL of dishes, tidy the whole house, get groceries, do laundry, and i still havent had breakfast. i need to get off the computer.

The Red Green Show

this was really difficult to decide on. i have soo many favorites how can i pick just one?? but i have come to an answer. its my newest fave but non the less still the one:
Let The Right One In

What are the three best books you have ever read and what are the three worst? What made them so good or bad?
Best:
1. Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton- a very depressing story but the depiction of the desolate countryside winters pull me in effortlessly. i've read it at least 4 times
2. Women by Charles Bukowski- one of my very favorite authors. such a dirty, real, raw look at the life of a lonely, drunken sex crazed man. honestly the fact that he was so old and "ugly" and still pulled in these gorgeous, young women is so intriguing.
3. Possessing the Secret of Joy by Alice Walker- a heart wrenching novel of the horrible practice of female circumcision and its long term effects on the woman involved. it was a beautiful story.
it was really hard for me to decide on these except for Ethan Frome which is my all time favorite book ever.
i dont even have three worst books bc i have never followed through with a book i didnt enjoy.

Dax Riggs- Didn't Know Yet What I'd Know When I Was Bleedin'

Knelt a puppet on a string
Along the vortex weeping
Lord have you heard
The roaring dragon eat the virgin
I didn't know yet what I'd know
When I was bleedin'
I seem to forget what I learned
When I was fallin'
I didn't know yet what I'd know
When I was bleedin'
Neon ghost in mask and coat
My heart is satellite remote
When my chemicals go wrong
Murder the devil
Take his song for my own
We sang
I didn't know yet what I'd know
When I was bleedin'
I seem to forget what I learned
When I was fallin'
I didn't know yet what I'd know
When I was bleedin'
When I was fallin'
Was I flyin'?